A rising sense of ... panicitement?

Panicitement (Pan-I-Site-ment) -  the sensation of fear and anticipation where it is impossible to tell if it is PANIC or EXCITEMENT that you feel, and most probably a sizeable dose of both!

Moments of dread, horror, excited anticipation, & numbing shock at how little time there remains until I'll be standing at the start line (admittedly for 4 hours before the race starts).  A little over 11 days remains and there is much to be done still.

All those last minute items like finding warm clothes for New York and warmer clothes for Toronto the week after along with making sure I list out all my running gear so I don't forget anything.  Then there are the practical steps like money, international roaming for emergencies, getting in touch with people to visit, working out what to do in the days leading up to the race (more excitement than panic thinking through this), looking forward to meeting the Team World Vision USA runners on the Friday night & planning just how much sleep I can actually get on the plane!

On the flip side are the doubts that creep in - Will they let me into the USA? (I have changed my surname since the last time I was there).  Can I make the distance? (YES! Even if I have to walk the whole way!).  Will the tightness that runs from the middle of my back down my right leg to my ankle making it painful to run and sometimes walk present itself again on race day? (It has done so twice in the last month, most recently this weekend just gone).

And through it all I return to 2 things. Firstly God is control and I rely on him. Secondly, even if I have to walk the whole course I am crossing that finish line! At 6km an hour that's only 7 hours of walking :)

Ooh Eck! 3 Weeks and it's all over ...

A bad case of Bloggers Block for the last month has meant that despite having great things to share about running, fundraising, going to New York and everything else Marathon related I just haven't been able to get it from head to screen.

Now suddenly it is the rush of the final weeks, and I have so many people to thank (not least of all my wonderful wife) and still it is hard to get it out in a coherent stream.  So many jumbled thoughts and feelings, concerns and hopes, last minute items to complete, and things to take care of at work, at home and for the marathon that I wonder where to start.  If I was sensible, it would be where I left off a little more than a month ago, but that would be too easy! I'm not sure how this will all come out, I'll stick in a LONG BLOG warning now just in case :)

I'll start by coming clean - I've been writing with an effort to be positive when I definitely didn't feel that way most of the time.  The months since my first half marathon back in May have been HARD work mentally not only regarding the marathon and fundraising, also at work and at home.  I've done a lot of training around thought discipline and creating empowering contexts but I have to say I struggled long and hard with a whole stack of things that seemed to all come at once.  Slow progress with fundraising, financial pressure at home with the final part of my personal costs for the marathon being paid out, changes in my client base at work putting financial and resourcing pressure on my team, performance management issues with some members of the team adding to the stress and pressure, interrupted sleep as we went through the winter colds and flu with two small children, developing a new round of first shin and then lower leg pain that has plagued me in various ways since late July - reeking havoc with my training plans and knocking my confidence as time dragged on. 

Thankfully a number of people have stood by me, forgiven my anger and upset (and the occasional dummy spitting tantrum) as I have plowed my way very slowly through the last 4 months.  My wife Jenny, my extended family (Bernie, Ruth, Mum and Dad, Chris and Alison) and my good friend and coach Deidre are most notable in those who have supported, coached and persevered through that time.  They have my love and my thanks for persisting when I wanted to give up and for being willing to "get up my nose" or "kick my butt" whenever it was required. 

September saw the efforts come to fruition with a massive turnaround in my fundraising.  The work I had done over the preceding month in getting the word out there, making donation requests, working with the local coffee shop to set up a charity day, plugging away at promoting SEE Solutions and my running the marathon as well as running a charity BBQ at work paid off with over $5000 being donated between Sept 2nd and 29th.  I have now raised almost $11,000 - all thanks to the generosity of family, friends, church, work colleagues, APEX Gosford, the Julius Cafe and ProActive HealthCare - everyone of them an Everyday Hero in their own right!

Having smashed the $10,000 target two days early, my attention turned fully to getting my body ready for the marathon ahead and it was with some dismay I faced up to the continuing issue of lower leg problems.  Post SRF Half Marathon (completed without shin pain thankfully) I took things slowly and decided to try and do a couple of kms on the Wednesday.  Walking was ok but running brought instant pain and a sensation of having steel bolts for calf muscles so I gave up and booked in for a massage the next day, a brilliant plan and I felt great afterwards until I did something to my right leg stopping myself twisting my left ankle that night.  I ached from hip to ankle on my right side for the days following and my physio very wisely told me to stop injuring myself!

Many physio, massage and kinesiology visits later and here we are, just under 3 weeks to Race Day and only 2 1/2 weeks to the day we fly.  My running is slowly getting back on track however I have faced up to having to re-write my plans for the marathon and the last of my training.  Today I left the physio with some final tips on the new running style (feet under centre of gravity) and some new exercises to strengthen my hips that will hopefully help make the difference and take the pressure of my lower legs.

A renewed commitment to blogging my progress has also been made and I aim to keep everyone up to date with how the last 21 days progress.  I'll also post details on how to follow me through the marathon - they have the technology :) - in the next few days.  For now, things are looking good and while at one level I'm freaking out, the excitement of fulfilling my word on running a marathon 10 months on from when this all started is also building!

Bring it on!