Experiencing an imminent & immanent marathon

Travelling with a large group of similarly mad (if not insane) people - also known as 'runners' - I have frequently been asked to describe how I feel now that we are here in New York. For the past few days I have said "surreal". Quite literally dream like. Wandering the streets I keep expecting to wake up either at home in bed or in front of my computer at work.

Reality has seemed to play no part in the last half week since I woke up on Wednesday morning and headed to the airport to catch a QANTAS flight half way round the world. 24hrs, no sleep, 2 planes & half a dozen movies later we were in New York and checking into the Park Central Hotel, 2 blocks South of Central Park and right in Midtown.

Since then the ING NYC Marathon has pervaded everything!

Every morning the hotel lobby writhes with international runners in full running regalia and buzzes with discussion about distances, time, nutrition (carbs, carbs, carbs), expectation, gear and weather. The streets are awash with runners at all times of the day, and night (New York never sleeps), the news is littered with marathon stories and the locals love to hear you're running, why you're running, where you're from, and what you have accomplished to get here. It is impossible to go out without being aware the marathon is here.

The atmosphere is AMAZING, the city is alive and tingling with 'marathon fever' and the support is palpable wherever you go.

And yet until a few short hours ago it still seemed a dream. Having managed to adjust to the time difference easily, I went out early this morning with Kate from World Vision to cheer on Andrew, Aaron, and Rose from WV, as well as Amanda, Hani, and Paul from Amnesty (who needs surnames when you have a charity affiliation) in the NY Road Runners 'Dash to the Finish Line'. Standing in the bleachers cheering people on as they ran the last 200m in all manner of style and comfort, the reality of tomorrow sank in, and a similar sensation was felt in the pit of my stomach which sank DOWN!

Oh my! Just WHAT exactly have I done in signing up for this?

The sensation of fear and disbelief continued to rise over breakfast as I chatted with Kate, Rose, and Amanda and while my goal is to finish and enjoy the race all manner of doubts and a sensation of panicky fear grew until I quite literally wanted to piss my pants! To know that this time tomorrow I will be somewhere in the 42.2kms between the start and finish, that the crowds support and the determination of the World Vision Team to complete will carry each of us through was cold comfort as my mind raced with the terror of "what if I can't do it?".

What if I can't do it?
What if I'm still going after dark?
What if everyone has gone home and I'm still out there?
Or my worst fear, what if they take down the course markers and I'm still running but can no longer find the way?

Baseless fears, founded in the uncertainty of the unknown and now purged by writing. I know tomorrow will bring many challenges, many fears and many triumphs. I know tomorrow I will face the temptation to simply give up, to quit and walk away and I know that deep down there is a core that refuses to surrender.

I WILL FINISH, and I will stand proud of what has been accomplished for World Vision, and for those SEE Solutions benefits and for who I will know myself to be. Today I am a runner, simply because I run. Tomorrow I am a marathoner!